Sarah & Ty’s Blog

The Suffering of Change Is Not Inevitable

SunsetThe suffering of change is not inevitable. When we deeply understand the nature of impermanence, we no longer feel like life has broken some unspoken promise to us when things that we enjoy change, or when things we don’t like don’t change fast enough. The two emotions that arise as symptoms of this type of suffering are craving and clinging. Craving is when we develop a tension filled hope to acquire something or someone. This grasping mood is laced with a skewed perception based mainly on seeing the positive attributes of this acquisition. While we are entangled in the fantasy of having what we want, it feels good, so it is harder for us to detect the subtle or coarse suffering involved, than for example when we feel angry or resentful, emotions which make us feel miserable right away. This type of desire is distinguished from wholesome ambition which is free of rigidity and edginess. Wondering if this thing we want will help us to be more free of suffering and/or of benefit to others is a good question to ask ourselves when we feel a strong compulsion to pursue something. Clinging is described in the Buddha’s dharma as a strong feeling of rigidity about something we already possess that we are afraid will be taken from us, which again is a tension filled state of fear, forgetting its nature is to change.

The suffering of change relates with this inevitable polarization between hope and fear, craving and clinging.

To begin to free ourselves from these ancient human tendencies, we will first need to acknowledge these feelings when they arise, and relate to them in a new way, one that is not so addictively compelled to stick to them. If we do not admit to ourselves that we are feeling this way, we will not be able to skillfully work with them and eventually become free of their overwhelming capacity to color our world.

Today, in the spirit of compassion toward yourself, make a strong resolve to recognize the flavors of craving or clinging in you (whether strong or mild), and each time, pause and take a few slow conscious breaths, imagining the out breath spreading soft radiant light throughout your body, releasing all tension within you.

The Suffering of Change

sunsetThe Buddha distinguished three common ways we suffer, which I began speaking about in the last dharma drop. The second way he suggested we all suffer is called the suffering of change and is more subtle then the first, the suffering of suffering. This teaching suggests we contemplate the inherent way experiences can be ultimately unsatisfying if we expect them to stay the same, as everything is in a constant state of metamorphosis. However invisible this process may be, our consumption and inattention keeps this subtle cycle hidden from us, keeping us naively unaware of this primordial process. The behavior that illuminates this common presumption and portends future despair is a cavalier attitude towards good fortune, as if it is immutable.

Take 5 minutes to review the serendipity in your life right now. Appreciate those dear to you, family and friends, who will not always be around. As you bring to mind each person, send them the wish that they too live with the recognition of ubiquitous change and be appreciative of this transitory existence, however challenging it may be. Bring a quality of gratefulness to your favorable circumstances, remembering that these come with no longevity guarantee. Commit to embracing the truth of change throughout your day today!

Exploring the Suffering of Suffering

sculptureAs we begin to explore the first noble truth in more detail by examining the ways we personally suffer, we will come up against what the Buddha called the suffering of suffering, also called blatant suffering. This teaching speaks to the inescapable reality of unexpected things happening and how we generate suffering by our interactions with events more than from the events themselves. Rather than simply responding to what needs to be done as soon as difficulty arises with a clear head and open heart, we often provoke more anguish by our resistance and reactions. When we embellish our predicament with anger, hostility, or some form of opposition to our experience – assuming we don’t deserve this, or this should not be happening, we heighten our suffering tremendously, and often unintentionally.

Learning to meet every circumstance with attentive non-reactivity is not how the conventional mind operates. We will need strong intentions to take adversity onto the path, and a commitment to practice patience with all situations that arise. Without cultivating active attention, our dormant potential to meet all of life freshly and spontaneously will not be able to manifest. The fierce momentum of our unskillful mental habits is inextricably interwoven into our survival mechanisms. Discovering how to meet anger and resistance, disappointment and frustration (without either suppressing nor expressing these feelings) is a very skillful art that will require lots of self compassion.

Begin today to be especially interested in noticing when something goes wrong by pausing as it does and seeing if you can meet the feelings directly, as they are pulsing in your body. Without doing anything externally, simply track the myriad of sensations moving through you until they subside, however long that is. Then take 3 deep breaths, and see what your impulse is now.

Later that day, if you feel you were unskillful in your response, invite that part of you that is feeling bad about what you did or did not say or do to be soothed with these words toward yourself, ‘I am sorry this happened like this, another expression of my human-ness. At the level of my inner being I am still clear and kind, and I am now more present. I will make amends if I can, if not, I will let this be a helpful learning experience and now let it go.’

Take 3 fresh full breaths feeling into your belly center while you let your mind rest open like the sky for the next 6 minutes.

If you can’t seem to let it go, bring this issue to a mentor or spiritual friend to help you see it with more clarity and compassion. We all need support in these matters from time to time.

The Suffering of Suffering

As we take in the teachings of the 4 Noble Truths, we can begin to pay attention to the suffering around and in us. The Buddha suggested we hone in on 3 central themes.

  1. The suffering of suffering
  2. The suffering of change
  3. All pervasive suffering

These three encompass the essence of our human predicament.

The first one refers to the inevitable uncertainties of this life, all the things out of our control such as natural disasters, getting sick, losing our loved ones… none of us will avoid these events, but how we integrate them and to what degree we suffer from them depends largely on our view. Our experience of life is always 2 elements: what is arising and how we are meeting what is arising.

Observe yourself today and when something does not go as you expected it would, or should go, notice how you react by checking in with your body. What emotions can you detect pulsing through you? Do you hear yourself saying anything to yourself? It is very important not to try and control your feelings, as they are not what creates suffering. Rather it is our unawareness of how we actually feel and the unconscious behavior that erupts mechanically that generates the struggles. So today simply pause again and again to take a state check and notice how you are feeling from within in relation to what is happening around you.

Investigating Suffering

Buddha StatueThe last mind changing brings up the issue of suffering and refers to the shortcomings of Samsara. It reminds us that living disconnected from an inner life will inevitably be unfulfilling, even if we experience many blessings. The Buddha is known for saying “I teach only two things, about suffering and the end of suffering.” So this ubiquitous Buddhist theme of investigating suffering is in service to the potential to realize genuine happiness, (a quality of contentment that arises from within rather than the kind that is tied to circumstances). It makes sense that, if we want to know the joy of our inner being, we will need to examine all the places where we experience its absence, and learn to relate to them skillfully.

So, coming back to the first teaching the Buddha gave, The Four Noble Truths. The first insight he wanted to highlight about life is, there is suffering here! I have always liked how he did not sugar coat this fact, or pretend otherwise, and instead invites us to sincerely examine suffering, especially our own. He is suggesting here that the compassionate recognition of anguish can be a launching pad toward its relief.

Today, become especially aware of this aspect of existence, both your own and others’. See if you can observe and acknowledge any gross or subtle suffering you feel or witness without turning away and without embellishment, just the raw truth of it, in your belly. Allow the difficult aspects of life to be held with a gentle recognition today, a soft embrace of this unavoidable side of life.